


it doesn't make sense

by greeny1710



Series: The Chaotic Trio verse [23]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Basically this is me flexing my psychology degree and using it to confuse Daniel Ricciardo, Coffee Shops, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29217846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeny1710/pseuds/greeny1710
Summary: You'd think after 2 years of dating Max, Daniel would understand just what it was that Max talks about when he was babbling about his degree.But alas, no.And Daniel fucking hated it.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Series: The Chaotic Trio verse [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594924
Comments: 18
Kudos: 121





	it doesn't make sense

**Author's Note:**

> request from **honestlyseb** who mentioned on my daddy kink kink verse fic feat. insecure daniel that _I’m really enjoying the vulnerable side of Daniel and I would love to see more of that._ and I basically needed a way to flex my psychology degree to try and convince myself that I still know what's going on with that, so this is just max saying a bunch of words that make zero sense and Daniel being so confused and insecure. 
> 
> hope u enjoy x

Max was smart. 

There was no way of denying it. 

The boy was a genius. 

He understood complex physics shit that normally took a university degree to understand without even trying when he was fifteen, could do math homework that took Daniel three days in a couple of hours, spoke nine languages like it was nothing, he remembered almost anything in a number of complex ways and Daniel didn’t understand _how_.

He really didn’t.

Max’s mind was phenomenal and he was so fucking brilliant.

And Daniel loved it a lot. He really loved Max’s brain.

He knew sometimes Max hated it, that the fact he couldn’t forget things the way others did meant he dealt with perpetual darkness a lot of the time, and that was very valid. Daniel hated when Max’s mind did that because he knew how scared Max got. He’d held Max through many breakdowns, ran his fingers through Max hair and kissed his temple and reassured him that he’d always love him even when his mind was being weird.

Because no matter what happened, Max was always going to be the smartest person Daniel would ever meet.

And that’s all Daniel could think about sometimes. 

Not that Daniel was stupid. He got A’s in his A-Levels and he understood Max’s biology and maths work, they’d studied the same subjects during their A-Levels after all. 

It’s just when Max started rambling about psychology and some complicated theory that boiled down to ‘you wanna fuck your opposite sex parent’ that Daniel got confused. Max was good at explaining stuff, except when it came to things he was excited and interested in and then he’d just ramble and ramble and ramble and ramble and Daniel got so lost and confused. He never said anything to Max, didn’t want to make his boyfriend feel bad because Daniel didn’t understand him. 

He’d been with Max for two years, it was stupid on his behalf to still not understand him when it’s something that Max talked about a lot.

Max had been studying psychology for the entirety of their relationship. Daniel had even helped Max study for his A-Level exams and heard all of the psychological theories and evaluations and debates that Max studied. He’d read Max’s personal statement that he’d used to apply to university to study his psychology degree. 

Daniel _knew_ psychology.

Daniel just didn’t _understand_ psychology. 

It was never normally an issue. Daniel would listen to Max’s rambles and smile and nod and hum and go ‘oh yeah?’ in all the right places, ask a couple questions and let Max get whatever was on his mind out of his mind. 

And Max didn’t always need someone to challenge his thoughts and play devil’s advocate, he simply wanted someone to listen to him.

And Daniel understood some of it. When Max rambled about neurotransmitters and hypothermic effects or the incentive-sensitisation theory of drug addiction, it made sense. Daniel understood the biological stuff that Max studied in his degree. 

It’s when Max starts rambling about dual processing models and social-cognitive learning theory and all those complicated words that Daniel was _convinced_ weren’t actually real but rather Max seeing how many times he could throw a bunch of random words together and toy with Daniel’s mind and get away with it, that’s when Daniel doesn’t get it anymore.

Daniel loved listening to Max, especially when it’s something he’s passionate about. He really does. Don’t get it misconstrued now. And he knew it was never Max’s intention to make Daniel feel dumb because Max was just excited to share something that he was passionate about. 

As they both attended different universities in separate areas of London, they couldn’t exactly hang out at their university libraries together and instead they’d often end up chilling in a coffee shop or their universities students’ unions to be able to study together. 

They normally switched back and forth between their campuses, and it just so happened that today they were near Max’s campus. They’d ended up at a small little Starbucks a couple of minutes from his campus, with Max immediately flopping onto one of the sofa’s and burying his face into his backpack. 

“I’ll buy you a coffee, yeah?” Daniel grinned and brushed his fingers though Max’s hair. Max nodded clumsily and sighed, arms tightening around his navy backpack. “Watch my backpack for me, don’t let anyone steal it.”

“Or what?”

“I’ll smack your ass,” Daniel whispered before shucking his jacket off and leaving it on top of Max. Max grumbled but didn’t say anything, but did move his foot to pull Daniel’s backpack closer so that was something at least. 

Whilst Daniel was away getting Max and his drinks, he watched Max slowly sit himself up and start to unpack his bag. A loud bang echoed through the café as Max’s textbook slammed onto the table, making a couple other uni students nearby jump and glare at Max, but Max didn’t seem to care. All he cared about was writing an essay. 

He really was Daniel’s favourite little nerd. 

Max’s laptop was the next out of his bag and Daniel smiled when he saw Max immediately slump down and put his foot up on a stool, shoulders going up to his ears and his laptop balanced against his thighs as he immediately started flicking between textbook pages and tapping away at his keyboard. 

Watching Max fall into his work was always something Daniel adored watching. 

Max was so interesting to watch, especially when it was something he was interested in. 

Max was on a different submission schedule to the rest of his year group after he’d had a complete mental breakdown just before Christmas, and yet he never let it stop him. He just worked at a different pace to other people. As long as it worked for Max that’s all Daniel cared about. Keeping Max safe and his mental health in a place at which he didn’t end up back in that precariously dark mental health spiral again was the most important thing. 

Daniel carried their cups back over to Max, putting them down before falling beside Max on the sofa and putting his arm instantly around his shoulders. Max shifted to sit more comfortably against Daniel, putting his head down on Daniel’s shoulder and nuzzling his hair into Daniel’s neck whilst still staring at his computer. 

“Don’t you need your glasses on?” Daniel asked however Max shook his head. 

“Nah, I can still see the screen fine and my eyes aren’t hurting because I sat with my head against the desk throughout my lecture,” he explained, half distracted as he read about pro-social reasoning, whatever that was. 

“Why did you have your head against your desk?” 

“Because my lecturer was talking about stuff that I didn’t want to pay attention to.”

“Which was?”

“Just social psych, you wouldn’t get it,” Max shrugged.

“I literally work with people, Max.”

“It’s not to do with like _people_ , it’s about attitude and stuff, and I studied it before so I already get it. It’s just boring.”

“Yeah but what was it? You can tell me,” Daniel tried however Max shook him off and started typing words onto his laptop. And honestly, Daniel didn’t have a single idea what Max was typing. 

_The role of Pro-Social Moral Reasoning is important in the development of morals in children. As cited by Eisenberg (1992; 1998), children develop dilemmas surrounding self-interest when challenged with the role of assisting others. Eisenberg suggested that this is akin to that suggested by Kohlberg’s six Stages of Moral Development (1958), with children’s ability to understand and exhibit reasoning skills overpowering their desire for justice and harm._

“It’s boring, don’t worry about it. There’s a reason why I didn’t pay attention,” Max shrugged, “what was your lecture on anyway? Didn’t you have statistics today? Was that alright? Do you want some help?”

“I can do maths, Max, I have studied it since I was three, I know what I’m doing,” Daniel said sharply however Max didn’t seem to notice.

“Yeah I know but university level maths is harder than school,” Max murmured distractedly, never once taking his eyes off of his laptop screen.

“It was multi factorial ANOVA analysis, you haven’t done-”

“Oh the one where you have numerous conditions for each so you compare all conditions against each other and see which ones provide significant results and which don’t. Yeah we study that next year but I was reading ahead because I was bored.”

“Why do you never just take a break, Max? Not everything you do has to be about uni.”

“Yeah I know,” Max shrugged, “I was bored. It was either that or stare into the distance and think about the inconsistencies within Christopher Nolan’s movies and how there’s a disproportionate approach towards some of the cinematic shots.”

Sighing lowly, Daniel shook his head slightly and kissed Max’s hair, “Maxy, I’ve got no idea what you’re on about.”

“Eh, not important.” Max turned his head and pressed a kiss to Daniel’s knuckles where his hand was hanging down around his neck, smiling up at him for a moment with such a beautiful little smile that Daniel couldn’t even find it in himself to be frustrated. 

He knew Max didn’t purposefully say shit like this to make Daniel feel dumb or anything. Max was just the type of person who understood what he meant and he didn’t always know how to translate that into a way that other people understood either. 

Bless his little genius mind.

“What are you working on anyway?” Max asked.

“I’ve got some lesson planning to do as prep for my school interview. I was going to work on that essay for my pharmacology and drugs class but if I stare at diagrams for omics technologies for even ten seconds I will stab someone,” Daniel moaned which made Max giggle. 

“What the hell is omics technologies?”

“It’s all biology shit, it’s a universal detection method for genes and protein and some other shit, I don’t even know, Max, it’s just dry as hell and I’m so fucking bored with it. My lecturer was banging on about it for probably like forty minutes the other day and I was like ‘yeah nah I’m checking out.” 

Rolling his head back on Daniel’s shoulder, Max pressed a kiss to the underside of Daniel’s jaw lovingly, “You’ll get there, baby, you know you will. You’re smart.”

“Not as smart as you.”

“I’m not smart, I just remember stuff, it doesn’t count.”

“I’m pretty sure your genius level IQ and the fact that you are recognised as having the best grades in our school’s history is a pretty good indicator that you are smart, Maxy.” 

Max shrugged as a blush coloured his cheeks, rising high on his cheekbones and curling around the crinkles of his eyes when he smiled embarrassedly.

“I don’t like being a genius.”

“I know, but you can’t help it, baby. And you’re going to use that smartness to help so many people, you’re amazing.”

Max smiled softly and rolled his head back, looking across at Daniel before lifting his hand up to cup Daniel’s jaw. Daniel leaned in eagerly, capturing Max’s lips in a slow kiss that had Max tremble in all the perfect ways. 

“Love you,” Max whispered as he pulled away, darting forward to press another quick kiss to Daniel’s lips.

“You wanna come stay at mine tonight?”

“I’ve got a 9am tomorrow, I don’t want to be messing about with the tube at that time of the morning. Why don’t you come to mine?” Max countered, back to staring at his laptop and tapping away about something to do with some guy called Hans who was stealing life-saving drugs. Honestly, Daniel had no idea. He’d knew Max had studied the name ‘Kohlberg’ during his A-Levels, and he knew it was something to do with how you developed the ability to make decisions on how to act, but he really had no idea.

There was a reason why Max was the one getting a psychology degree and not Daniel. 

“How long is your essay?” Daniel asked softly as he pulled his own laptop open, going through the plans for a lesson of football he’d been asked to create.

“1500 words. I’m already on 973 words and I’ve only just finished the first point so you can beat your ass I’m going to massively overwrite this and need to cut it down like crazy.”

“You want me to read it for you?” He offered however Max shook his head.

“Nah, I’ll get Jüri to.”

Instantly Daniel’s hand in Max’s hair stopped moving.

“Who’s Jüri?”

“Barista,” Max said, nodding his head across to the blonde boy that had served Daniel not too long ago flippantly. “He’s on my course too, sometimes he hooks me up with free coffee. I love him.”

“I didn’t know you knew him.”

“We hang out in class and sometimes I’ll come here and bug him if I’m bored. We worked together on that depression presentation I had to do. You know the one about theories of the development of depression and the best treatments?”

“The one you did in November? The one I helped you practice?”

“Yeah that one. Me and Jüri have tutor together so we did that together. He’s the reason I got a first.”

“ _You’re_ the reason you got a first,” Daniel told him sharply, “you’re _smart_ , Maxy.”

“I’m not disputing it. But I didn’t think about the evaluation from a cognitive reductionism perspective and Jüri did so we got a higher grade. It was his idea so he gets the credit,” Max shrugged, however he pulled up slightly to stare at Daniel, finally noticing the way that Daniel had stilled underneath him. “Why are you getting so pressed about this? It’s just a presentation. I did it _months_ ago.”

“I’m not getting pressed, I just hate when you talk yourself down.”

“I’m not talking myself down. I’m just saying that I didn’t consider the idea of cognitive reductionism and Jüri did and he had some research about how cognitive behavioural therapy can be applicable when we’re trying to determine a social or evolutionary aetiology.”

“The fuck does _aetiology_ mean?!”

“The cause of something.”

“So why did you not just say that?!” Daniel snapped, hand darting forward against his laptop screen annoyedly. 

Max frowned at Daniel’s tone and pulled away from him, moving away from Daniel’s arm and folding his legs up underneath him to sit against the arm of the chair and not against Daniel. The way he shifted meant that Daniel couldn’t see Max’s laptop screen, not that he needed to anyway, and Daniel sighed as he scrubbed a hand across his face, whilst Max hunched over as though to protect himself. Max’s eyes went eerily blank as he stared at his laptop, pointedly ignoring Daniel. 

“Baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“I know,” Max quietly interrupted. He lent down into his backpack and pulled his glasses out. Daniel watched Max put his glasses on and his hood come over his head, burying Max in the fabric as he silently tapped away at his essay. 

He looked so tiny. 

Max always looked tiny when he was buried in his hoodies, especially when it’s one that he had stolen from Daniel. However when he pulled his jumper up in such a way that he became buried, Max looked like that little fourteen year old that Daniel had first started to feel feelings for without even realising he had. 

No matter how much Daniel stared at Max, he wouldn’t look up, only focusing on his essay and leaning across to flick pages in his textbook every now and again, reading something before tapping away at his keyboard again.

“I’m sorry, Max, I didn’t mean to snap at you,” Daniel quietly said, hand on Max’s kneecap and rubbing slow circles across it.

“I know you didn’t. It’s okay.” Max kept his eyes on his laptop, refusing to look up as he carefully shifted his knee out of Daniel’s touch and kept working. “Actually, I um, I have some stuff to do tonight, so can we um, can we reschedule you staying over?”

Daniel felt his heart stop at Max’s words.

Max _always_ jumped at the opportunity to stay with Daniel, to cuddle in bed and exchange lazy kisses until the early hours of the morning, and then kisses as Max sat on the kitchen counter as Daniel made them coffee in the mornings. No matter how busy he was, Max always wanted Daniel in his bed. He’d said something once about how having Daniel in bed with him kept the nightmares at bay, and when Max was stressed or sad, he was more likely to have them. 

Daniel hated the idea of Max sleeping alone tonight when he’d upset him. 

However, if that’s what Max wanted, Daniel would do it. He just wanted Max to be happy. 

“Oh yeah no problem. Do you need a hand with-” 

“Nope, I’ll be fine by myself,” Max interrupted again without even knowing what Daniel was going to say.

Max never tended to interrupt anyone.

Not that Daniel had an issue with being interrupted by Max. He didn’t care for the grandiosity or the hubris that came with the control some people desperately craved when it came to dominance in their relationship. All Daniel cared about was making sure Max was happy.

And he’d fucked it all up by upsetting Max by snapping at him about him using words that Daniel didn’t understand. 

“Another coffee for you, Maximus,” the barista - _Jüri_ , Daniel’s brain helpfully reminded him - murmured, placing it carefully down on the table.

“Is it-”

“Cold brew with three pumps of caramel and oat milk, yes, I know your coffee order perfectly, mate,” Jüri laughed, before squatting down beside Max and looking at his screen.

Daniel watched the way that Jüri leaned in, reading something on Max’s laptop, the pair of them reading through something that Daniel could never even begin to understand the way those two did.

What Daniel also realised as he stared at them both was just how similar to Max Jüri was. 

Jüri was blonde with the same hypnotic blue eyes that Daniel had fallen in love with on Max.

And, apparently, he was smart enough to understand Max’s rambling psychology knowledge too.

“I actually meant to ask you, Max, you know how Carter was talking about the SLT, do you know who it was he was referencing? Because I don’t get the theory or how it worked,” Jüri said and Max was quick to click off his essay and switch across to his notes. 

“When he was talking at the start, he was referencing the theory from Bandura, you know the-”

“Oh, the guy that was on about how you learn by observing others? The punching dolls experiment thingy?”

“Yeah that guy!” Max grinned, his eyes lighting up as he stared at Jüri, “Do you understand the whole application of the theory to the attitude stuff?”

“Not really, no. I understood the theory but I don’t get how it links.”

“It’s dead easy, hang on.” Max pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as he dug in his backpack, pulling out a notebook and pen and flicking to a random page that he’d not scribbled across yet and starting to note down random scribbles that Daniel could not understand at all. “So, it’s all about attitude formation, right? So how we learn to behave. What you want to do is start with looking at Pavlov and Skinner, the whole classical conditioning stuff-”

“Yeah I get that. It’s the whole unconditioned stimulus and neutral stimulus interacting to associate certain behaviours with a certain action so you have a conditioned stimulus and conditioned behaviour,” Jüri said as Max nodded quickly.

“Yeah exactly. So you start by looking at Skinner and Pavlov, throw in some Watson and traumatising of Little Albert with a rat for some spice, and then spin it to compare against operant conditioning because this is where you can start to introduce the idea of SLT.”

“What’s SLT?” Daniel asked, and Max looked up briefly.

“Social learning theory,” he quietly said before looking back to Jüri, “‘Cause operant conditioning is more to do with learning by observation, right, and the whole purpose of Bandura’s Bobo Dolls experiment was to see how we would take on the actions of others. This is where Bandura’s theory of SLT came from. He argued that when we directly observe people, if we see a good payoff for their actions, we’re more likely to model or copy their behaviour. And then you have to throw that all back to the classic conditioning behaviourism theory because if you see positive results coming from the pay of your actions, you’re more likely to repeat the behaviour, hence positive reinforcement and the development of SLT. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah yeah yeah I get you, so it’s not looking at how to apply the theories into SLT, it’s how the theories are explained by SLT?”

“Exactly! You got it perfect!” Max grinned, ripping the paper out of his notebook and handing it to Jüri. “Here, if you get confused about anything else just text me, I’ll try and help.”

“This is why you’re my favourite,” Jüri smiled back. Daniel watched the way that Jüri put his hand on Max’s thigh to push himself up, and wanted nothing more than to push Jüri’s hand away from Max and throw it until he dislocated Jüri’s arm. 

He didn’t. Because he wasn’t violent.

But Jüri was everything Max could want in a lover and Daniel wasn’t opposed to going archaic and fighting for the affection of the boy he loved. 

“Yeah I know I’m your favourite, your mine too,” Max laughed, bumping his fist off Jüri’s side and shoving him away, “go and do your job. I refuse for you to get fired when I need you to keep this job so you can keep providing me with my free coffee.”

Jüri rolled his eyes and shook his head, “I’m gonna start charging you just for being annoying.”

“And I’ll start charging you for my tutoring services,” Max joked, and Daniel felt his heart steadily drop at the easy banter flowing between Max and Jüri.

“I’ll quickly end up in debt with how much I rely on you.”

Daniel averted his eyes from watching Jüri and Max, not wanting to seem like he was getting overly possessive or jealous.

Admittedly, he was a little jealous.

Jüri was great and exactly the kind of friend Max needed. The kind who was funny and kind. The kind who treated Max like a human being and didn’t make him feel weird for his memory or his ability to do his work to an insanely high standard.

Max was just so fucking special and sometimes Daniel questioned why Max stayed with him.

There was nothing special about Daniel.

He was hot. 

He could play sports.

He could drive.

He was academically good, but not the brightest.

And that was it.

What was interesting about Daniel? His entire personality pivoted around being Max’s boyfriend and being a championship winning footballer. Not exactly personality traits you’d be screaming from the rooftops about.

Sometimes he really felt like Max has just settled for him. 

Daniel was easy to date, he knew that.

He’d make Max smile, take him on dates, drive him to see his family and brothers, comfort him on the phone when it was 2am and he was having a panic attack.

If Max split up with Daniel, then he’d have to learn all over again how to deal with someone. But with Daniel, everything stayed the same. 

Daniel knew how to hold Max in a hospital bed and help him eat soup if it just meant Max could get out of there quicker.

Daniel knew how to talk Max down from the ledge of darkness and remind him just how loved he was.

Daniel knew how to help Max in every way.

It was easier for Max to stay with Daniel than it was to break up with him.

Max deserved someone that understand him in every way. Someone that got psychology and got Max’s video games and got the excitement around flags. 

Daniel didn’t get it. 

He was supportive and he listened and he tried and he’d play Call of Duty with Max and listen to him babble about why it’s so cool that the flag of Barbuda has a sinking boat on it and read a research paper on the reliability of ear witness testimony to try and help him make sense of it for an essay. 

Daniel tried so fucking hard, but what if it wasn’t enough?

Max always said he loved Daniel. That Daniel was the perfect guy for him, but Daniel found that difficult to believe.

Why date someone that didn’t even know what you were talking about half the time when you could date someone that _got_ everything? 

Daniel loved listening to Max, he really did. He just didn’t get it. 

Was it fair to keep Max in this relationship if Daniel couldn’t help him properly?

He deserved someone better. Someone smarter. Someone who didn’t just think about sex and hanging out with Max. He deserved someone who could keep up with him. 

“You know when you start thinking too hard, I can hear your brain overpowering,” Max quietly said, nudging his foot at Daniel’s ribcage. “Are you alright?”

Daniel nodded slowly and bit the inside of his cheek, staring at his laptop screen. His own screen had long gone dark, too much inactivity as his head had started spinning and Max was the only thing on his mind and not the career he was planning for himself. 

Even the noise of the café had gone dark to Daniel, too busy lost in his own head that the noise of something that was normally impenetrable fell to the wayside. 

Why would Max want to date a teacher when he was going to be a world class children’s psychologist and researcher with a fucking doctorate, whilst Daniel was running around a field and shouting ‘yay!’ when some six year old could kick a ball in a straight line?

Max was so fucking smart and Daniel was just going to be a teacher or a physio or something _boring_. 

Max would have bountiful conferences to attend, endless realms of research to present to people that would understand him. And Daniel had no problem with being a ‘trophy husband’ to such an amazing academic. He’d forever be Max’s biggest fan. He was so fucking proud of Max already and he was so fucking proud of just how phenomenally Max was doing at uni to say that his mental health had dipped so fucking bad.

Max deserved better…

“You know how you always tell me that when I’m lying to you, I answer your questions way too quickly?” Max calmly said, putting his laptop down on the coffee table and leaning forward to take Daniel’s hand in his, running his fingers over Daniel’s rose tattooed across his left hand. 

“Yeah?”

“Well, when you’re lying to me, you refuse to look at me. So, do you want to tell me what’s really up with you?” Max murmured. 

“I’m not lying to you, Maxy, I’m just thinking about stuff.”

“Talk to me about it.”

Daniel sighed and shook his head. 

Max had enough worries, he didn’t need to put this onto him too. 

“Is this about me not wanting you to stay over?”

“Nah, nah. I respect your decision, baby, don’t worry.”

“I am worrying though because I know when something’s up with you and I don’t like it when there’s shit going through your head and you don’t want to talk to me about stuff because you worry about it being too much for me. The issue is, if you don’t talk to me, I’m never going to sleep tonight because I’ll be up all night panicking about you.”

Daniel shook his head again and turned his head away from Max, biting at the inside of his cheek to try and keep the tears in. 

Worrying Max was the last fucking thing he wanted to do…

“Baby, please, you’re scaring me, what’s wrong?” Max asked, shifting closer and putting his hand onto Daniel’s jaw to force him to turn and look at him. Immediately, Max’s eyes went wide and Daniel knew he must’ve done a piss-poor job of concealing his emotions. 

“Don’t, Max.”

“Please tell me what’s wrong…” Max whispered. His voice caught just enough that Daniel screwed his eyes shut and moved to bury his face into Max’s hoodie. Max’s arms instantly went around Daniel’s shoulders, holding him close and murmuring quiet reassurances as Daniel silently cried onto his shoulder. Daniel wrapped his own arms around Max’s waist and pulled him in tighter. 

“I’m sorry I don’t get shit,” Daniel mumbled. He felt Max’s head tilt against his before he pulled back and looked at Daniel. 

“Are you upset about uni? Do you need some help? What’s wrong? I can try and help-”

“It’s not that. I get uni. I get _my_ uni.”

“That’s good then,” Max smiled, brushing his thumb over Daniel’s cheekbone, “that’s all you need to worry about.”

“But I’m stupid when it comes to everything else.”

Max’s face instantly dropped as Daniel bit at his lip, tugging it between his teeth. 

“You are not stupid. You are so fucking clever!” Max argued harshly, hands tightening around Daniel’s jaw and shaking his head slightly, “What the fuck has happened? Who am I fighting? You know me and Charles will fight someone.”

Laughing softly, Daniel wiped his eyes against Max’s shoulder before sitting up more. 

“You’re not fighting anyone. Because you can’t fight yourself,” Daniel said resignedly. He should’ve known Max wouldn’t let this go.

“What do you mean? What have I done? I didn’t mean to-”

“You didn’t do anything, Max. Not on purpose. It’s just… I feel so fucking dumb listening to you sometimes.”

“Oh…” Max quietly whispered. As Max pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his hand, Daniel shifted his eyes to look at Max’s hands and reached out to tie his hands with Max’s. Max’s hands were shaking slightly in Daniel’s touch; however, he didn’t pull away.

“I don’t want it to seem like I’m blaming you because I’m not because it’s not your fault, Max, it’s just me being dumb and I hate it because I love you but I just don’t know what to do half the time.”

“But it is my fault.”

“No!” Daniel exclaimed. 

“Dan-”

“Not really, Max. It’s not. I just feel fucking stupid because I should know what you’re talking about because you talk to me about psychology all the time and you understand my degree and Charles’ and fucking Lewis and Valtteri’s degrees and I can’t even fucking understand my own boyfriend and I hate it because I don’t want you to feel shit but I’m fucking making you feel like shit!”

“I know you don’t mean to-”

“I just don’t get it. And I hate it because I’m trying to get it but I just don’t. And I should because we’ve been together for two and a half years and I listen to you talk all the time and I know names but it just doesn’t make sense and I can’t understand it and I feel stupid and like I’m letting you down,” Daniel rambled as he fell forward to drop his head into his hands. 

“But... Daniel, baby, you’re not studying my degree,” Max said softly, running his fingers through the long curls on the top of Daniel’s head before pulling it up so he could cup his jaw and brush the tears away, “I don’t expect you to understand it.”

“You’ve been studying it for the entire time we’ve been fucking dating, Max!” Daniel argued, voice thick with tears. 

“Yep. I know. And you don’t get it. That’s fine.”

“It’s not! And I hate constantly going ‘wait what’s that’ or ‘who’s that guy’ because I should know it by now!”

“Daniel. What’s the most important thing in your life? Not me. Not a person. A thing you love.” Max was looking intently at him, blue eyes so wide and adorable that Daniel wanted to capture that look forever. 

Max giggled softly when Daniel took a while to answer. 

“I don’t know,” Daniel sighed. 

“Yeah you do. What’s the one thing you love more than anything? The one thing you’d love to do every day until you’re old and grey and I’m pushing you around in your wheelchair because your old man knees and hips can’t take it anymore.” 

“Football, I guess?”

“Yeah, football. And how often do I go ‘wait what’s that mean?’, or I ask you ‘why are they subbing that guy and not him?’, or ‘what’s the point in that?’.”

Daniel puffed his cheeks out and shrugged, “I don’t know, a lot, I guess. I don’t take notice.”

“And do you ever get mad with me for not understanding?”

“No! Of course not!”

“Why?”

“Because... because you’re asking questions and just trying. Like, you try to understand and I appreciate you trying.”

“So why would I be mad that you do the same thing? You asking questions is something I love. You’re showing an interest. The reason why I don’t push you with my degree is because I have to learn anything from 10-100 new researchers for every module. I can’t even keep up sometimes and I’ve got a memory that makes it possible to. For your degree I just need to understand the basics. The basics for my degree are still five separate components with three to four subtopics within that to understand the basics. My degree is _completely_ different, baby. I don’t expect you to be an expert. You try and that’s what’s important to me,” Max explained, never once allowing Daniel to break eye contact with him and instead keeping very calm to try and help Daniel to understand.”

“But you get Jüri to read your essays.”

“Yes, because he knows the theories. He checks I’ve got my facts right. And then I reread it for grammar reasons. Jüri’s not my beta reader for grammar, he’s just my fact checker. And when it comes to cutting content, it’s easier when it’s someone that knows the content because they can tell you when you’ve got loads of unnecessary details. Baby, I love you and you’re so smart, you wouldn’t have gotten into UCL if you weren’t, but you don’t know this stuff and that’s fine because you don’t need to and I don’t want to stress you out just like you don’t want to stress me out. I don’t mean to make you feel dumb or stupid, it’s just me not thinking sometimes.”

“I don’t want you to have to think about what you’re saying to me though. I just want you to be able to talk to me.”

Max shook his head softly and sighed, “Daniel. I didn’t know what omics technologies were, did I?”

“No.”

“And what did I do?”

“You asked me.”

“Do that with _me_ then! Don’t snap, try and not get frustrated, just be like ‘Max, I don’t know your terminology’ and I’ll be like ‘oop’ and correct myself or explain. I’m not trying to make you feel dumb. It’s second nature to me to use this terminology because we have to in class to get better grades. Challenging me and questioning me is one of the best ways of helping me revise anyway, so you have my utmost permission to quiz the hell out of me,” Max told him, smiling warmly at him. 

The cold demeanour that had surrounded Max when Daniel had snapped at him had been slowly squashed, and instead Max was looking like that warm and fuzzy boy that Daniel adored. 

“You are seriously one of the smartest people I know, Dan. You are so amazing, okay? And I love you for being you. My favourite, dumb, idiotic, super fucking hot, amazingly talented and wonderful boyfriend. You are everything I want. And you’re everything I’ll always want,” Max said. Carefully, he stole a kiss from Daniel’s lips, just like he’d stolen Daniel’s heart. 

Quickly and without warning. 

“Are you sure? Because I don’t think I’m good enough for you.”

“You are more than good enough. You’re too good. I don’t need someone like Jüri. Dating someone who knows my degree inside and out would drive me up the wall. What I _need_ is for my super-duper amazing boyfriend to listen to me when I talk about random psychology shit that doesn’t make sense to anyone else and just be like ‘wow’. I don’t need Jüri, I need you.”

“Even if I just become a teacher?”

“You’d be an amazing teacher. Just like you’d be an amazing professional physio if you want. Just like you’d be amazing at whatever you put your mind to. Because you are amazing, okay? So, you don’t need to be getting all insecure on me, yeah?”

“Still don’t feel like I’m good enough for you.”

“Believe me,” Max whispered, and snuggled down into Daniel, “I think every day that I’m not good enough for you. So, I think that makes us pretty perfect for each other, doesn’t it?”

“I guess so,” Daniel agreed, little smile working its way onto his face. 

“There’s no one else I’d want by my side, Dan, I promise.” Max lent up and kissed the underside of Daniel’s jaw, fingers toying dangerously close to sneaking under Daniel’s jumper if he didn’t intercept them quickly enough. 

There was no way he was going to let Max get them both horny when they’d just been having an emotional heart-to-heart three seconds prior. 

That shit could wait for later. 

Max laughed as Daniel pulled his hand free, pressing it against Max’s heart and using his free hand to tilt Max’s head back and kiss him properly. 

The insecurity was still wrapped around Daniel’s heart and he knew that when he next read Max’s psychology papers and tried to understand more than 10% of it and would inevitably fail, every fear about not being good enough for a boy as special as Max was going to throw itself to the surface and Daniel was going to have to deal with this perpetual feeling of stupidity again. 

What Daniel tried to remind himself, however, was that whilst he may not understand Max’s degree now, Max had envisioned a very long future with Daniel of them being together still when they’re old and grey. They’d had silly conversations about their future, talked through the whole ‘marriage and kids’ debate (which they both agreed were things they wanted), talked about maybe moving to Australia for a year once they’d both graduated and spending a year over there (that one was still a bit up in the air), and they were looking into renting their first apartment together.

Max saw a long future with Daniel. A future that would give Daniel more than ample time to try and understand Max and his degree. One day Max would have to specialise in something for his PhD (if Daniel had to guess, it would probably be something related to childhood trauma and anxiety) and maybe Daniel would finally understand it then.

For as long as he could hold Max in his arms and question just what it was Max studied so damn intently and adored with his entire heart, he’d take it.

He’d take anything this amazing little genius would give.

Maybe Daniel should do some extra reading...

It wouldn’t hurt to try and get an idea of Max’s essay topic to see if he could help at all, right?

He just had to figure out how the fuck to spell ‘bandura’ and what that ‘Albert and the rat’ thing was about and he’d be okay.

Maybe.

Okay probably not, but the effort was what mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> yes my degree is very confusing and I don't really understand the long words but apparently im good at using them so we flex lmao
> 
> Kudos, comments & feedback always greatly appreciated💙
> 
> Tumblr is at [3303andmore](https://3303andmore.tumblr.com) xxx


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